Flashback
by So Notorious
Summary: Season 8. Jackie tries to move on from Hyde, but finds it hard when everything she thinks about is him. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything.

_Crossing paths, I saw the past_

_Realized how good it was._

_The smell of your scent, the feel of your touch _

_Memory had me gone._

_But you're with her, and not with me now_

_And I wonder if you think of me how_

_I think of you when I'm lying in bed_

_And the image of you loving her plays in my head._

_You messed up and lost a real good thing._

_And now you're asking why._

_Did you do this to me?_

_She could never love you baby._

Jackie walked down the steps, heading towards the basement that held so many memories, good and bad, she only liked to remember the good, but that was a hard thing to do considering that the bad almost outweighed the good.

Jackie noticed that the basement was vacant, that never happened, she looked around, everything was in its usual place, she walked over to the plastic chair, that she used to sit in not too long ago. She ran her delicate fingers over it; it was cold against her touch. She closed her eyes and gripped the chair, as the memories started to flow back.

When he used to pull her back onto his lap, and she would lay back on his chest as if he were her own personal pillow, his hands wrapped so protectively around her waist, so no one could hurt her, but now the only one hurting her was him.

With the strong stares and burns filled with hatred, burns weren't supposed to hurt so much, they were a simple comment that would make each other laugh, then be forgotten seconds later, but coming from his mouth they stung 100 times more.

She opened her eyes, and shook her head free of the painful thoughts, she then sat back on the dingy couch, she breathed in the scent pot and beer, and again the memories started to come back into her mind.

The summer of 1978, she remembered her body trapped underneath his, his scruffy face pressed close to her soft one, their mouths connected, it was so wrong but it felt so right. That summer was the best summer of her life, they had nothing to worry about, it was a meaningless fling, that turned into so much more, and all of it leading to many nights spent crying and a heart being broken over and over again.

She felt a tear prickle down the side of her face; she needed to leave before anyone saw her, or before it got any worse. She pushed herself off the couch, and ran out the back door, trying to leave the memories behind.

_--_

Jackie paced her room, slightly cursing herself as she did. Why did she let the little things get to her, those stupid little things. She hated herself; she wanted to hit something, maybe that would help. No, it wouldn't she knew she wasn't very strong, if she ended up hitting the wall, like she wanted to right now, she would end up hurting herself.

Still pacing her room, she caught a glimpse of something she forgot about. Something that was thrown across the room in frustration, but right now it looked more inviting than frustrating. She knew it wasn't going to help any of her problems right now, it would probably just make it worse, but she couldn't help herself.

She remembered taking it from him. She took it a couple weeks before the while ultimatum catastrophe, she remembered him saying that he wasn't leaving without it, but as soon as she jutted out her bottom lip, he buckled. Like he always did in those situations. She pressed the fabric to her cheek, loving the feeling, and taking in the scent.

The scent of him. A mix of cologne and beer. She loved it. She ran her fingers over the letters, she didn't know why she had wanted this shirt, maybe she only liked it was because of the man that filled the shirt. She closed her eyes and remembered the night vividly.

She closed her eyes and her mind went traveling. She could feel his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her tightly against his body. She could still feel the tiny peck that was placed on her nose, a gesture he would only do behind closed doors, because if you were zen you didn't do those types of things in public.

She backed herself onto her bed, and laid her body down, bringing the red blanket over her body, and keeping the beat up tee shirt close to her. She hugged it tighter than ever, and let her tears cascade down her cheeks. Tonight was going to be a hard night. Every night was a hard night, knowing that Steven was no longer next to her, knowing that when she had a bad day, she couldn't run to him anymore. Jackie's loud sobs filled the room, as she thought of how she'd lost him forever. She couldn't do anything about it.

She was tired of crying, she was tired of crying every night because of him. She couldn't do it anymore, she closed her eyes and let sleep take over her. That night she fell asleep with a smile on her face, still clutching the closest thing she had of him.

--

Jackie could hear the mindless chatter that filled the basement like usual, but her mind was on the girl across from her, sitting on top of the Forman's dryer. It pained Jackie to see her flaunt around the Forman's house the way she did, she hated her, usually when Jackie hated someone she would make up some mean rumor to hurt them, like they had hurt her, but now she couldn't do that, nobody paid attention to her anymore. The gang was all too fascinated by the presence of a stripper.

The sound of boots hitting the basement broke Jackie away from the thoughts of her. She glanced up and saw him, but he wasn't walking in her direction anymore, he was walking over to the blonde located on the other side of the basement. She saw him kiss her, and Jackie felt her heart break another time. She hated him, she hated that he hurt her so badly, and how he didn't care that he did it, but the thing she hated the most was that he was the person she couldn't stop thinking about.

She would spend countless hours thinking about him, thinking about the times they spent in Donna's room making out, it was so much better doing it there, because they weren't supposed to be in there, in the words of Steven Hyde it was bad ass.

Jackie could feel his eyes planted on her, she tried to ignore them, she stayed focused on the TV playing; hopefully he would just stop. But she knew he wouldn't. He kept that stupid smirk plastered on his face the whole time, it was his own way of torturing her, she figured he was probably thinking of new ways to hurt her or burn her, but she knew that it didn't matter what words were said, the simple action of staying with a wife who was a whore made her immune to all the other crap, no other action could replace the hurt she felt when she found that he was going to stay with her, but she couldn't help but wonder...

She wondered if Sam hadn't of showed up, would they have gotten back together for good? Would he still be the same jackass he was now? Jackie didn't know, the only thing she could do is think about it, because it would never become her reality.

--

When she closed her eyes, she could see him again, the way he used to be. She could see the way he used to look at her when nobody was looking, his smile and his eyes were the thing that stood out to her. God, his eyes were amazing when they weren't covered in his old aviator glasses.

They were amazing to look at especially at night. When he used to stare at her in the basement in his small bedroom on his cot. The cot was uncomfortable, but it felt so much better when Steven was lying there with her. She remembered he would always plant light kisses on the back of her neck, and behind her ear. As she remembered the moments with him, the horrifying image of Sam came into her mind. What were they doing right now? Was he doing the things they used to do?

Would he carry her to his bedroom like he used to do to her? Would he give her a nickname like he gave her one? She hated Sam; she hated Sam more than anything in the world. She took everything away from her, and all Jackie could do was sit back and watch her one true love fade away.

--

Jackie walked into the Forman's kitchen; she could smell the alcohol filling the room. Either Mrs. Forman was having a bad day, or Steven was around.

Just as the thought came to mind she heard a distinct voice yell "shut up Sam." She wanted to smile knowing that having her as a wife was torture, but she couldn't she didn't want to see him unhappy, she should, but she just couldn't. She took a seat on the barstool, and waited for someone to drop in; maybe they would want to hang out with her. A loud bang was heard and her eyes went to the sound.

She saw him standing there, beer in hand, and a scowl grazed his face. With no sunglasses to hide his face, she could see his emotions, she wasn't sure if she was the only one who could see it, but she could see the pain and distress that filled his eyes. She wanted to run into his arms and tell him that she loved him, but she couldn't those days were over.

He didn't say a word to her, he just stood there, like he was trying to gather the words to say mentally. "Hi Steven." Her voice was barely audible, but she knew he could hear her. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead of hearing his husky tone, she heard a loud screeching voice. "Hyde!"

Jackie saw Hyde's eyes once again, but this time it was anger that filled them. She knew he wasn't happy with Sam. Who could be happy with her?

Sam came barreling into the kitchen, and Jackie stood still, she would rather not be alone with these two, especially if they were fighting. "Uh, I'll see you guys around." Jackie said quickly making her exit through the sliding door.

_--_

She walked into the basement, to her surprise she found Hyde, alone. This was her chance, this was her chance to finally get everything off her chest, and walk away from him, for good. Thats what she needed to do. She walked over to him, and stood in front of him, blocking the TV, so he would pay attention.

"Move Jackie." His voice cold and hard, he didn't even flinch.

"No, you listen Steven." She pointed her manicured finger at him. He just propped his legs up on the table, and smirked up at his tiny ex.

"You hurt me. You hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me. You took the one thing that I adored the one thing that I cherished, the one thing you knew I loved and wanted more than anything, and you gave it away to some whore!" The tears were stinging her eyes. Hyde remained unmoved. "I loved you Steven, more than anything in this world, and you couldn't even give me a sign of something more than sitting in this damn basement, wasting our life away!" The tears were coming down, but she continued her rant. "But you're scared of commitment, you're scared and you have too much pride to admit it."

She took a breath, waiting to see if he had anything to say, like always he didn't. She was going to leave, but she figured why not just tell him all of it. "But you know what Steven, I don't care anymore, you go ahead and live your life with your wife and I'll live mine." She spat the words out as harshly as she could. "I just wanted you to know that no matter who comes in your life. No woman will ever love you the way I did." And that was it, her eyes were red from crying, her throat was beginning to hurt thanks to all of the yelling, and she waited for his response. Nothing.

She needed to move on from him, she was tired of hurting, she was tried of all the crying she did lately, she begged in her mind for him to say something mean or hateful, so she could leave, and be done with him. She needed something, besides the stupid glare he held on her right now.

"Say something Steven." She begged quietly. She watched as his shoulders rose and fell in a quick movement. She closed her eyes and stepped forward closing in on him. She needed this one last time.

Her hands cupped the sides of his face, he didn't smack her hands away, he just kept his eyes on her. She forced her lips onto his, pushing all of her frustrations and pain into the kiss. She didn't care how abrupt the kiss was, she needed this right now.

She felt him kiss her back with equal force, maybe he was doing the same as her, taking the pain away. His hands were now resting on her hips, his tounge pressing forward, she granted him access, but quickly pulled away from him. She wiped her mouth, getting the taste of him off.

The kiss made her feel more pain, knowing that it could never happen again. "Goodbye Steven." She turned on her heel and left the basement, finally leaving Steven Hyde behind.

She wasn't going to waste her time on him anymore, she couldn't wait for something that wasn't going to happen. She told herself she was happy, but she knew she was only happy if his arms were around her again, but she wasn't going to think about it anymore.

It was dead.

_The End._


End file.
